Leveling the Playing field
Responding to a Negative Remark
I was working with some financial planners in Singapore and discovered that the industry has unfortunately created for itself a stigma. It's a stigma caused by some overzealous sales people trying to push their products onto their friends and associates. Sound familiar?
I asked for an example of what people say. To demonstrate one of the many ways I would address the remark I was given, I did a role play with one of the participants.
I asked him to set the scene. He suggested we were past friends… hadn't seen each other for a while and bumped into each other at a party. I was the financial planner and started the dialogue.
Ben, how are you?
I'm well. How are you? What are you doing now?
Well for about 2 years I've been working as a financial advisor.
Really! Don't come near me with that stuff. I'm sick and tired of being approached… I have no interest in it.
OK? What are YOU doing now?
I'm still working as an engineer… the same as when we last met.
I see. Let me ask you a question. If I responded to your profession in the same way you insulted mine – how would you feel?
I wouldn't feel so good – I… I'm sorry that I did that.
That's OK – apology accepted. I'm curious though – why is it that you have this energy against financial advisors?
Well, some of my friends have become financial advisors and keep on bugging me that I should buy their insurance and so on and I'm sick and tired of it.
So they have been pushing their products on you?
Yes
Well, I can appreciate where you're coming from now… though tell me, just because your friends might have acted in a boorish manner toward you, does that mean all financial planners and advisors are necessarily the same?
No… I guess not… I'm still not interested in what you have to offer though.
Again, I'm curious, because I don't recollect I "offered" you anything – did I?
No you didn't.
So why are you still being so aggressive toward what I do?
I… I don't know, perhaps my friends left a lasting impression on me.
How many of your friends are involved?
Two or three.
Two - or three?
Two.
And when was the last time it happened?
About 6 months ago
So my profession in your mind is tainted by the action of two of your friends, is that what I'm hearing?
Yes, I guess it is... again, I'm sorry.
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Can you see what is happening here? Can YOU do what I did…? Yes of course you can – depending on the mind set you have.
Ben's behavior is unacceptable in any situation. It's how you handle it, both mentally and with the use of dialogue, will determine whether your response is acceptable.
Here's my mindset…
- I'm coming from a place of nobility. I have the right to be respected. But first, I have to respect myself and what I do.
- I'm addressing the issue of rudeness not the personality of the person. You can condemn the action and still love the person.
- I don't respond out of anger or from an attempt to be smart. I'm totally calm, quiet and neutral within myself. I'm not attached to any outcome.
- If I don't address the issue right away the consequences of not doing so are potentially far more damaging.
By the way... I’ve used this type of response in the real world… not just in role playing.
These types of issues will come up. Use the Magic and Power of Dialogue to address them and you’ll keep the balance of harmony on the playing fields of your profession and your life.
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