There are three main communication modes. Behavioral scientists have shown that in communicating with others, we are:
- Least effective when we tell people things, or attempt to dominate them, (Presenting. Telling. Teaching. Persuading.)
- We are more effective when we interact and discover from each other, (Discussion. Debate.)
- We are our most persuasive when we allow others to persuade themselves, (Dialogue.)
While each of these ways of communicating has their use, Dialogue is the most important, if we want to be effective in selling and long-term relationship building. It is however the least used because it is the least understood.
To put Dialogue into Context, let’s look at all three modalities:
Presenting, Telling, Teaching, Persuading
The high incidence of rejection and objections can mostly be associated with telling, presenting your products or services, or telling your story too early. In other words, if you use this form of selling, the focus is on whose needs? Your needs! Your need to make a sale, need to hope there is a problem, need to present the solution, and so on. The customer knows and feels this. It’s an energy. An energy that comes indirectly and directly from the words the salesperson uses.
Telling and persuading is also out of step with the desire to help, serve and receive. Presenting or telling people things can cause you personal tension, not to mention the tension it causes in the other person. When I focus on me, I increase my anxiety.
Presentations are usually prepared talks where the presenter attempts to grab and hold another person’s attention early in the conversation, and move them toward taking an action step using one or all four external motivating techniques such as the fear of loss, greed, envy or guilt. These can be very powerful motivators, though the results are usually temporary.
Why Salespeople and Distributors Present
So why do people present if the results are questionable? Presenting is easy to do. Presenting is safe. In fact, it's so safe that unless you’re very good at it, few people respond!
The two key things that people fear the most in being presented to, are:
- Are you going to persuade them to do something they don't want to do or buy?
- How much time are you going to take?
Presentations are important – properly done and in their right place – such as with a very large group where interaction is difficult. And when it’s expected that you will present. The most fruitful time to present is at the end of a meeting when you have pulled all the facts together and your presentation is based on knowing precisely what the other person wants and why they want it.
Discussion And Debate
Discussion and debate is a higher level of communicating.
This type of approach in selling, where the object is to win your client over to your viewpoint, does not always fully explore, or allow you to give the same priority to the needs of the person with whom you are speaking, as your own.
To give priority to the needs of the other person is difficult for many distributors and salespeople who have been taught to focus on the targeted outcome of the sale. Giving priority to the other person means letting go of control. And yet giving priority and exploring with others in a climate of trust is vital if you are to understand and help another person and yourself get what you both want.
The Key Essence of Dialogue
Using Dialogue will bring about such a change of priorities. Dialogue is an energy! By having Dialogue, you create a field of energy that makes people compelled to listen to you and your ideas. The dream of every salesperson and distributor!
In contrast to discussion, "We are not trying to win in a Dialogue. We all win in a Dialogue if we are doing it right." Peter Senge says. The purpose of Dialogue is to go beyond each person’s understanding so that, “collectively, we can be more insightful, more intelligent than we can possibly be individually.”
Dialogue And Natural Selling®
Dialogue achieves your purpose, (which is to serve) and, in doing so, helps you achieve your objective, which is to make the sale. The three Natural Selling Principles of Asking Questions, Listening, and Understanding through Feedback are the communication principles of Dialogue.
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They are the backbone of it, along with the suspension of your own needs.
Dialogue requires you to detach from your expectations. For example, think about letting go of your attachment of making the sale and, instead, focus on whether there is a sale to be made in the first place. Focus on the process of Discovery. The outcome will be a result of the integrity of the process. If there is a sale to be made, you will make it every time! Feel the difference in energy from just realizing that.
By detaching yourself from the outcome of making the sale, you become open to hearing, feeling and understanding the other person’s priorities. It enables you to be creative and see expanded opportunities and ideas as to how their problems can be solved.
In the process, you create new relationships or strengthen the ones you have regardless of the outcome. You can’t help it. It happens! The focus is off you, on the other person, and both of you feel the magic of helping each other. Doing it is freeing. When I focus on me, I increase my anxiety. When I focus on you, I decrease my anxiety!
The Mechanics Of Dialogue
Bohm, a communications researcher early in the last century, identified in his research three basic premises that are necessary for Dialogue:
- All participants must ‘suspend their assumptions.’
- All participants must regard one another as colleagues.
- There must be a facilitator who ‘holds the context’ of Dialogue.
What I've discovered is that you can achieve all of the above conditions in most conversations without having to explain the process of Dialogue to the other person. Just doing it – just using the process itself automatically draws the other person into the spirit of things. We’ll explore this!
1. Suspension Of Assumptions.
By suspending your own assumptions, judgments and prejudices and not allowing yourself to be drawn into arguing, debating or defending your point of view, and just simply listening without prejudice, you will find others will suspend their own defensive positions and be open to other beliefs and possibilities.
If you tell people things, they will usually tell you in the form of verbal or passive aggression. If you listen, they will listen to you.
2. Becoming Colleagues
The sense of openness that Dialogue has is an energy that is subconsciously picked up and conveyed right back to you. People will automatically become colleagues if you come from a place of not wanting to manipulate, but of wanting to understand before helping. People are drawn to people who are genuinely interested in them.
3. You Are The Facilitator
Instead of having a facilitator, you become the facilitator. In Dialogue you can take two roles – the observed and the observer. As the observed you are the one directly involved with the conversation at all its logical and emotional levels. As the observer you do two things. You facilitate the conversation for both you and the other person without prejudice, and you observe your own thinking, words and actions.
One of the great things about being the observer and the observed is that you can actively and emotionally participate in the Dialogue and, at the same time, detach yourself from it and objectively observe and guide what is going on. Use your agenda or objective to guide the conversation, not manipulate it. By staying open and understanding more, bigger, more precise and stronger solutions will surface. One and one have a habit of not making two – they make eleven! Effective Dialogue is when real synergy occurs.
Natural Selling® And The Use Of Dialogue!
Through Dialogue, people consciously and subconsciously persuade themselves to change. People have the answers to what they want. It’s just that they might not be using the right solutions. You simply offer your solution as a natural extension of your conversation for them to achieve what they are looking for. You customize it and give your solution personal meaning based on what you were told.
If your solution looks good to them, they will end up owning it as opposed to being persuaded to take it on. They will give themselves the credit for finding it and you the credit for helping them. Perfect harmony!
On the other hand, if they decide time and circumstances might not be right for them, respect that and bow out graciously. One thing is for certain. They will remember your conversation. Expect them to return!
About The Author
Michael Oliver is the founder of Natural Selling ®Sales Training. He is a sales trainer, coach, and speaker, with over 22 years of experience in direct sales and sales training, focused on helping people achieve better results. His teleconferencing training, coaching and on-site workshops and speeches are in demand around the world.
Contact information:
www.naturalselling.com
Phone: 775.886.0777 |
